


I don't love you any less

by ckTmi



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of suicidal behaviour, eliott tells lucas about his MI, he hasn't had an episode yet that lucas knows of, mental illness is mentioned, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:46:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckTmi/pseuds/ckTmi
Summary: In this universe Eliott hasn't had a big manic episode that Lucas is aware of.'so one day when they are lying in bed he talks about it bc he knows lucas has seen the scars buth physical and mental. 'Based on this prompt i got on tumblr "I don't love you any less."





	I don't love you any less

They are lying in bed one morning. Very similar to the first morning they had spent together. It was a lazy morning, full of lazy kisses and lazy conversation. Lucas was lying on top of Eliott and they were smiling at each other. Eliotts legs bent, his thighs cradling Lucas hips. Comforting. There was so much fondness in Eliott’s eyes, but they also had a sadness behind all the light. Lucas knew Eliott’s past was a touchy subject, but he was curious. He usually stayed away from the topic unless Eli brought it up. 

But he needed to know why his boy sometimes disappeared. Disappeared into himself and came back looking like he had just fought a battle. But mostly he needed to hear if Eliott was okay. Because Lucas didn’t always feel like he could reach Eliott and that there were walls in him that had not yet been taken down around Lucas. He needed to know why pain had ghosted around Eliott’s life. 

He had seen the scars that hid under and around the edge of Eliott’s underwear. And Eliott knew he had. It had taken a while. At first Lucas didn’t understand why Eliott wouldn’t let Lucas go down on him, at least when it wasn’t pitch dark. At first, he thought it might be insecurity but Eliott didn’t seem insecure about anything else. And when he finally saw, he had understood. That Eliott would have let him in on so much more than just his body. Faint lines littered the pale skin. Some even words. Some deeper than others. They hadn’t talked about it because Lucas had waited for Eliott to bring it up, but he never did. 

Eliott had a solemn look on his face, he had had for a while. 

“What are you thinking of?” Lucas whispered out into the air between them. 

A sad smile grew from Eliott’s lips. “My life before I met you. How much I love you and how lucky I am to have met you.”

“Then why are you sad?” Lucas was a bit puzzled. 

“I am not. I am mourning.” Eliott smiled a little again but it quickly faded.

“Who?”

“The others. The Eliott’s stuck in the past. The ones at my old school. The ones who don’t know what’s coming to hit them. The ones that don’t understand. The ones that won’t. The ones that never met you. The ones who never made it this far.”

Eliott’s eyes are tearing up and slow tears fall from the corner of his eyes. 

“I know that the idea of other you’s comfort you and it ensures you that you somehow made all the right choices… but for me, I can’t help but think of all the others that made the wrong ones.”

Lucas kisses Eliott. It short but reassuring. That he can keep going and that Lucas won’t go. But he also feels the wetness that flows from Lucas’s eyes. And he doesn’t want to hurt him with his pain. But Lucas looks at him and it is as if he can breathe. This beautiful boy, lying on top of him grounding him. 

“The ones who gave up the fight. The ones who never figured out what was happening to them. I mourn them. Because I know, that there are probably a lot more of them than ones here with you. But I am so happy that I am. And I don’t want you to worry. Not any more than I already know you do.”

They just look at each other for a while. Letting the meaning of Eliott’s words sink in. 

“Well, what is going to happen to them?” Lucas asks so softly that Eliott can’t help but smile.

“I never told you this. And I know I should because if something happens you need to know why.” 

Lucas is frightened slightly by the words that have left Eliott’s mouth, but he doesn’t let it show. But he feared the reality behind the scars and the absence and the hurt in his eyes. 

“I, uhm, I am bipolar, Lucas. It makes me very depressed at times and very manic at others.” The words hang in the air. Heavy. Revealing. 

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? And why now?”

“I was scared. I had an episode and it really fucked up my life. I lost friends, I couldn’t face them after. Because by the time I had come out of the hospital and dealt with the fact that I now had diagnosis… It was too late. All they knew was that… I was in the hospital… supposedly because I had tried to, uhm… They thought I tried to kill myself… I didn’t but I wanted to… And before that, I did some stupid stuff because of the mania and it just wasn’t the same again. So, I left. I killed that part of me and moved on. But I can’t rid myself of the disorder, but I wanted to pretend for a while. You were new, not part of my old life and I didn’t want to scare you away. Or make you stop loving me.”

Eliott had taken his eyes away from Lucas while he had been talking, too scared to look him in the eye. 

“Hey,” Lucas whispered and placed a hand on Eliott’s cheek, so that he looked at him properly, “I don’t love you any less.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Leave a comment with more ideas id love to write them! Find more on my tumblr @youreonlylow


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